I'm an active person. Always have been. I like walking and bicycling, and I love hiking. I like being outdoors. I don't like sitting around doing nothing. I've got businesses to run, I can't afford to sit around doing nothing!
Unfortunately, over the last few years, my health has left a lot to be desired. It seems like I just keep adding chronic illnesses. :( I now have sarcoidosis, asthma, COPD and pernicious anemia. The Doctor thinks I may also have IBS and Fibro. Unfortunately, none of them are things that can be cured. My lungs are badly scarred from the sarcoidosis and I'm constantly huffing and puffing. No matter how much exercise I get, I sadly never increase my lung capacity or my stamina. It just is, what it is. It can get pretty frustrating at time. However, I am very stubborn person and I always believe that I am capable of doing anything I set my mind too. I just push through it the best I can. I refuse to let these stupid illnesses slow me down or dull my sparkle!
When I'm active, I fatigue easily and when I get tired, my dexterity goes and I get really clumsy, and I trip and fall down a LOT. I overheat really easily and I bruise at the slightest bang. I'm also incredibly weak compared to pre-illness me. What I could carry five years ago, I can't do now. It's like these miserable illnesses have sucked my strength out of me.
I got this bruise on Monday when I rode to town. On the way home, I was getting off my bike to walk up a hill and was simply so tired I didn't lift my leg high enough and ended up falling over sideways with the bike on top of me. I have to walk up all hills as sadly I just don't have the strength/breath to ride up them :(
I hurt this leg on Wednesday's trip to town. I was walking the bike up a steep hill on the way home, and started to slide back down as I didn't have the strength needed to push the bike to the top. The bike started to slide, my feet slipped and the bike and I went down. :( I usually hurt myself coming home as that's when I'm most tired.
Usually my awesome son Travis walks my bike up any steep hills for me, but damn, I hate that! I hate having to ask for help for something I should easily be able to do! I hate making his job harder. I hate being a burden! I am a kick ass warrior who is so pathetically weak I can't push my own bike up a steep hill. So upsetting! I refuse to let these stupid illnesses win, but yet in some ways they are. No matter how hard I try, my strength slowly gets less and less. No matter how stubborn I am, how determined, these stupid illnesses still win way too often.
After Monday's trip to town I ended up having a horrible melt down. I got home feeling good, was in the house maybe 10 minutes and all of a sudden started shivering and shaking all over. I was gasping for breath, and my lips, chin and cheeks were vibrating and numb. My legs cramped up. I was boiling hot and freezing cold at the same time, and felt faint and dizzy. I have no idea what happened. It was very scary and I thought I was gonna have to call 911. I used my rescue inhaler and thankfully about 30 minutes later I started feeling better. however, all day Tuesday I spent laying on the couch, couldn't even sit up long enough to use my computer. Was totally exhausted.
Such is life with a chronic illness. Every day is a battle, some days I win, some days I lose. I just keep fighting the best I can. Life is too precious to do otherwise.
People often tell me to slow down, or not to go hiking or bicycling because I may hurt myself. I would rather be covered in bruises and out enjoying life than stuck inside. Inactivity and being nonproductive makes me depressed and blue. I'd rather be in pain and feel good mentally than have minimal pain and feel depressed.
Life is a gift and we all have our struggles, do what you need to do to be happy. When it's all said and done, I think what is really gonna matter is how happy we were, how much we enjoyed our lives.
hugs and love!
No comments:
Post a Comment